By Dr. Elisa Shipon Blum

“When children feel capable, they feel confident—and confidence is the cornerstone of communication, self-expression, and emotional growth.” — Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum

We all want our children to grow into confident, resilient, and independent individuals—but knowing how to support that growth isn’t always intuitive. Independence doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a gradual process built through everyday choices, mistakes, successes, and emotional support. Elementary-aged children are at a unique stage where their desire for autonomy grows—but so does their need for connection and reassurance. As parents, we can walk beside them, offering guidance, not control—support, not rescue.

Here’s how to foster independence while keeping the relationship strong.

1. Let Them Make Real Choices

  • Let them choose their own outfit, even if it’s stripes and polka dots.
  • Offer options at dinner: “Would you like carrots or cucumber on your plate?”
  • Ask: “Do you want to do your homework at the kitchen table or at your desk?”
  • Ask yourself: “What daily decisions am I making for my child that they could start making for themselves?”

2. Build Self-Help Routines

  • Create a morning routine chart with pictures your child can follow.
  • Practice packing the school bag together each night—then gradually let them do it alone.
  • Teach your child to make their own simple lunch once a week.
  • Ask yourself: “What new skill can my child start practicing this week—even if it takes time and patience?”

3. Encourage Problem-Solving (and Embrace the Mess)

  • When your child is stuck on a puzzle, say, “What’s your plan?” instead of fixing it.
  • If they spill something, hand them a towel and say, “Can you think of how to clean it up?”
  • Help them brainstorm solutions when something goes wrong—don’t solve it for them.
  • Reflect: “Do I give my child the chance to struggle and succeed—or am I rushing to help?”

4. Support Time Management with Visuals

  • Use a sand timer for transitions (e.g., “When the sand runs out, it’s time to clean up”).
  • Post a simple after-school schedule: snack, homework, play, dinner.
  • Let them check off tasks as they go—it gives a sense of control and accomplishment.
  • Ask yourself: Could a routine chart or timer help my child feel more in control of their day?

5. Promote Independent Learning

  • Set up a learning nook with books, crafts, or STEM materials they can explore freely.
  • Let them choose a “passion project”: researching animals, building a fort, making a comic book.
  • Say “Let’s find out together!” instead of giving answers right away.
  • Ask together: “What’s something you’d love to learn or try all by yourself this week?”

6. Practice Communication and Teamwork

  • Role-play situations like asking a teacher for help or joining a game.
  • Invite your child to help with planning—“Can you think of three things we need for our picnic?”
  • Encourage “I” statements: “I felt proud when I built that on my own.”
  • Ask yourself: How often do I model and encourage open, respectful communication at home?

Final Thoughts: Independence Is a Journey

Children don’t become independent overnight—and they shouldn’t have to. They grow in small, meaningful steps, guided by patience, encouragement, and opportunities to stretch. As Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum says, “It’s not about expecting perfection. It’s about building a foundation of comfort, competence, and confidence—one experience at a time.”

By fostering independence, you’re giving your child something invaluable: the belief that they can.