Helping children with Selective Mutism (SM) build social connections takes time and care. Many of these children are highly sensitive, meaning they notice and react strongly to their environment. For them, the “3 L’s”—loud, large, and lotsa people—can feel overwhelming. Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum explains, “The 3 L’s are the most challenging environments for many children with SM. To make progress, we must focus on building comfort and confidence in smaller, quieter, and more predictable settings.”

Why Start Small?

Children with Selective Mutism often experience intense anxiety in situations that are overwhelming, especially when they sense an expectation for communication. Dr. Shipon-Blum emphasizes, “Comfort precedes communication, and progress does not occur in a large group.” Trying to force engagement in uncomfortable environments only increases anxiety, causing avoidance and frustration. By focusing on safe, supportive settings, you can help children feel secure enough to take small steps toward communication.

Once a child becomes comfortable, it’s important to respect their baseline stage of communication and gradually introduce strategies that encourage progression across the Social Communication Bridge. Parents can utilize the verbal intermediary technique—shaping sounds into words—to guide the child’s progress. These strategies should be seamlessly integrated into familiar activities to help build confidence without overwhelming the child.

Ideas for Building Comfort and Confidence

Here are some ways to encourage interaction and confidence without creating additional stress:

Playdates at Home

  • Invite one or two trusted friends to your house. Let the child pick activities they enjoy—maybe puzzles, baking, or art projects. A familiar setting helps reduce anxiety, and games that don’t require talking (like charades or drawing) create chances for non-verbal connection. Over time, with comfort and parent facilitation, communication will progress.
  • Example: A child could start by silently observing a board game and gradually join in by rolling dice or pointing out moves. Once comfortable, parents can encourage them to narrate their next move or ask their friend what move they will make next.

Short Visits to a Friend’s House

  • Once home playdates are comfortable, try a short visit to a friend’s home. Bring along a favorite toy or game to ease the transition. Having a trusted adult nearby adds a layer of security.
  • Example: The child might start by quietly building Legos but could progress to sharing ideas about what to build as comfort grows.

Small Gatherings 

  • Outdoors Parks can be great for relaxed, low-pressure interactions.
  • Plan small meet-ups with structured activities, like a scavenger hunt or playing soccer with a few peers. The open space and fresh air help ease tension, and organized tasks encourage natural interaction.
  • Example: A child could point to scavenger hunt items or call out when they spot something on the list. Once comfortable, encourage them to take the lead in identifying items on the list. Visual cues can make speaking easier for many.

Tiny Group Activities 

  • If signing up for a class, stick to groups of fewer than six participants. Classes focusing on creative outlets—like art or music—are especially helpful. Let the child warm up by observing before joining in.
  • Example: In a pottery class, the child might start by sitting with a peer but gradually begin shaping clay alongside others. Once at ease, the instructor can use strategies such as prompting or asking simple choice questions related to a visual prompt.

One-on-One Time 

  • Plan regular one-on-one activities with a peer or supportive adult. Collaborative tasks, like assembling puzzles or cooking, encourage teamwork and build trust.
  • Example: A child might initially communicate with gestures but eventually start using words related to a task of interest.

Creative Expression

  • Art, music, or storytelling can be fantastic outlets for children with SM. These activities let them express themselves without the immediate pressure to talk.
  • Example: The child could create a drawing to share how they feel or play a song on a small instrument. Over time, invite them to narrate their story or explain their artwork using direct or choice-based questions.

What to Avoid

Large, Loud, Fast-Paced Sports

  • Sports like soccer can be overwhelming, especially early on. Save these for when the child feels more confident and communicative.

Pushing Too Hard

  • Forcing a child into a situation they’re not ready for can backfire. Dr. Shipon-Blum reminds us, “Comfort precedes communication,” and slow, steady progress is key.

Tips for Success

  • Focus on Trusted Relationships: Pair the child with a familiar friend to build a sense of security.
  • Let the Child Lead: Follow their cues and pace. Celebrate small wins!
  • Offer Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge their efforts, no matter how small.
  • Create Calm, Predictable Environments:Minimize surprises and noise.
  • Be a Role Model: Demonstrate calm, confident behavior.
  • Use Visual Tools: Social stories, schedules, and charts can make new situations feel more manageable.
  • Incorporate Interests: Tailor activities to their hobbies and preferences.
  • Stay Flexible: Progress isn’t always linear—be ready to adapt.
  • Seek Professional Support: A therapist or Selective Mutism specialist can provide customized strategies.

In Summary

By taking these gradual steps, you can help a child with SM find their voice in their own time. It’s crucial to know what your child is ready to accomplish. Each small success builds the foundation for more meaningful communication and deeper connections.