Courage Isn’t Loud: Rethinking the Emphasis on Treating to Speak in Children with Selective Mutism

By Dr. Elisa Shipon Blum

When supporting a child with Selective Mutism, well-meaning adults often focus on one goal: helping the child to talk.

It is understandable. Talking is how most of us measure communication. But for children and teens with Selective Mutism, a Social Communication Anxiety Disorder, this emphasis on speech can unintentionally create pressure, misunderstanding, and even setbacks.

Courage is not loud. Bravery is not measured in words or volume.

For these children, courage may mean walking into a classroom without clinging, whispering a sound for the first time, handing over a toy, or simply showing up. These moments, often quiet and subtle, are powerful milestones on their journey toward communication.

💙 Readiness Over Speaking: Respecting the Process

The ultimate goal is confident, flexible communication. Forcing speech too soon can deepen anxiety and create avoidance. The Social Communication Anxiety Treatment® (S-CAT®) model, a CBT-based, whole-child approach developed by Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum, redefines how we support individuals with SM. Progress begins with comfort, connection, and confidence before words emerge. S-CAT® focuses on:

Understanding the underlying “WHYs” behind Selective Mutism, such as social anxiety, perfectionism, sensory sensitivities, or language and processing challenges
Identifying each person’s baseline communication stage on the Social Communication Bridge®
Building social engagement through structured exposure and empowerment rather than pressure
Involving parents, teachers, and clinicians as part of a unified support system

When we shift from asking “How do we make them speak?” to “How do we help them feel safe enough to connect?” that is when real progress begins.

🌉 The Social Communication Bridge®

Speech develops through stages of comfort and connection. Each stage is meaningful and must be respected.

Stage 1: Nonverbal Communication includes gestures, pointing, writing, or showing.
Stage 2: Transitional Communication includes whispering, using sounds, a Verbal Intermediary®, or augmentative devices.
Stage 3: Verbal Communication includes responding, initiating, and elaborating through speech.

S-CAT® helps caregivers and educators bridge up or down depending on emotional readiness. When children feel secure and supported, they naturally progress toward the next stage. Pushing for speech before readiness can create fear, resistance, and avoidance, while fostering comfort, connection, and confidence-building builds trust and lasting communication.

🌱 The Many Forms of Courage

For children and teens with Selective Mutism, courage appears in many forms. It may look like:

Walking into a classroom or group activity
Making eye contact or smiling at a peer
Handing a paper to a teacher through Handover/Takeover™
Whispering softly to a trusted adult
Nodding or gesturing to communicate
Using a picture, visual card, or device to express a thought
Joining a game quietly
Remaining in a room even when feeling anxious

Each of these actions reflects growth, bravery, and readiness. They are meaningful communication milestones that build the foundation for future speech.

🔄 Shift the Focus; Build the Bridge

Language matters. When we praise speech alone, we emphasize outcome over effort. Instead, we can celebrate steps toward communication. Try saying:

“You joined the group today. That was such a brave step.”
“I noticed you passed your paper to the teacher. That showed confidence.”
“You made a sound during our activity. That was wonderful progress.”
“You stayed through the whole game. That was brave.”

This type of praise aligns with the S-CAT® model, which recognizes that social engagement must come before speech. It builds trust, validates effort, and promotes natural growth without pressure.

🌺 Final Thoughts: Communication, Not Just Speech

Children with Selective Mutism are among the most courageous individuals you will ever meet. Their bravery may not always be heard, but it can always be seen.

Depending upon where the child is in terms of communication in various settings, speech may not the starting point of treatment. It is the result of understanding the individuals needs, emotional readiness and trust. When we focus on helping children feel comfortable, connected, and confident, communication begins to unfold in its own time.

Let us ask ourselves: