Episode 75 features a discussion between Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum and Dr. Jenna Blum, Director and lead clinical psychologist at the SMart Center’s Counseling and Assessments department, covering peer engagement, school transitions, and a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough airtime: grief.

Dr. E and Dr. Jenna break down why children with SM speak freely at home but shut down around peers, make the case for facilitation over waiting, and share real case examples of how high-interest activities unlock social engagement in ways that direct pressure never could. They also tackle one of the most emotionally resonant questions they receive: how do you process the grief of not receiving proper SM treatment as a child — especially when watching younger generations succeed?

My Child Talks at Home But Shuts Down With Peers: Introducing the Initiation Gap and Why Facilitation Can’t Wait

Episode 75 opens with Dr. E reading three nearly identical listener questions that arrived at the SMart Center in the same week — all asking some version of the same thing: why does my child speak freely at home but go completely silent around other kids? Dr. E and Dr. Jenna use it to introduce one of the most important distinctions in SM: the difference between responding and initiating. Approximately 95% of individuals with SM struggle more with initiating than responding — they may engage when a peer says “come play with me,” or when a teacher facilitates an activity, but they rarely go out of their way to start that interaction themselves.

 Several of the teens Dr. Jenna works with describe this as feeling “paralyzed” — they desperately want to engage, but don’t know how. Dr. E returns to one of the SMart Center’s foundational principles: comfort precedes communication, and social engagement precedes communication. Too often, she notes, adults focus on the wrong question — “why isn’t my child talking?” — when the more useful question is: what opportunities have we created to build comfort, confidence, and connection? Don’t wait, facilitate. Those three words, both doctors agree, are the starting point for everything.

Finding Your Peeps: How High-Interest Activities Build the Comfort and Connection That Precedes Communication

Dr. E and Dr. Jenna turn to one of the most practical tools in the SM toolkit: high-interest activities. Connection isn’t found by forcing conversation — it’s found through shared interests. Dr. E shares two case examples: a six-year-old who began spontaneously speaking during a small chess club — no prompting, no pressure, just interest and comfort doing their work — and an older teen who posted a rock climbing flyer at school, found two or three genuine friends among those who responded, and built his social world from there.

 For older teens who resist home get-togethers, clubs at school, college, or in the community serve the same function. When school staff facilitate participation,  particularly a trusted resource teacher or counselor, buy-in is far more likely than when the suggestion comes from a parent.

What If My Life Had Been Different? Processing the Grief of a Late or Mismanaged SM Diagnosis

A listener wrote in asking how to process the sadness of not having received proper SM treatment as a child — especially watching younger generations achieve breakthroughs that weren’t available to them. It’s a question both doctors hear frequently, from adults reflecting on their childhoods, parents navigating a new diagnosis, and individuals who spent years in ineffective therapy without the right help. Dr. Jenna shares the story of a 20-year-old who had been in treatment since age four and was still struggling, and a college student who had overcome many SM challenges but had stopped recognizing her earlier wins as real victories. Dr. Jenna’s message: those wins were real. Feeling small about them now is a sign of how far you’ve come.

Dr. E draws on 30-plus years of experience to offer reassurance: she has seen individuals at every age — 10, 20, 30, 50 — work through these challenges and reach their capacity. The most critical ingredient is internal motivation for change — and it is always possible to build it, step by step, with the right support.

From Grief to Gratitude: Why Focusing on Wins — Not Deficits — Is the Key to Lowering Anxiety and Building Momentum

Parents who focus on everything their child isn’t doing project that negativity directly onto the child. Because children with SM tend to have heightened sensory sensitivity and are acutely perceptive to the emotions around them, that projection has real consequences: it halts progress, triggers avoidance, and causes regression. Dr. Jenna introduces gratitude journaling as a structured antidote — recommending that parents write down three wins each morning alongside three things to work through. The wins don’t need to be large. A morning without a pre-school meltdown counts. What matters is the habit of noticing progress, because over time, it shifts how both parents and children see themselves.

 Dr. E extends this to teens and older individuals: find the areas where things are getting easier and build from there. As Dr. Jenna puts it — the more confidence we feel, the more comfort we typically feel, the more connection we seek out, and the more our anxiety goes down. They all intertwine.

Now Is the Time: How to Plan School Transitions, Peer Pairings, and Summer Preparation Before the Window Closes

The end of the school year is not a finish line — it’s the most important planning window of the year. Dr. E walks through what that planning should include: reviewing 504s and IEPs, determining whether additional testing is needed, identifying peer buddies for the new year, and familiarizing the child with any new building or environment. She also flags something easy to overlook: how parents talk about transitions is how their child experiences them. Visible anxiety transfers. So does visible confidence.

 Dr. Jenna adds that CommuniCamp — the SMart Center’s intensive weekend treatment program — is one of the most powerful tools available for summer transitions. Because camp takes place in a real school environment, children see themselves making progress in a real school setting, which feeds directly into confidence for the year ahead. Financial assistance is available for families who need it.

Key Takeaways from Episode 75

  • The initiation gap is real — 95% of individuals with SM find initiating harder than responding, and facilitation by adults is the most important lever families and schools have
  • Comfort and connection must come before communication — high-interest activities are not a workaround, they are the strategy
  • Grief around SM is real and valid — whether you’re an adult reflecting on a childhood without proper treatment or a parent still waiting for progress, these feelings deserve space in treatment
  • Gratitude journaling is a clinical tool — tracking wins daily shifts how parents and individuals see themselves, which lowers anxiety and fuels momentum
  • Children with SM are highly perceptive to the emotions of those around them — how parents and teachers project hope (or fear) matters enormously
  • End-of-year planning is not optional — 504s, IEPs, peer pairings, and summer prep should begin now, not in August
  • You cannot treat to speak — assessment comes first, and treatment must be built around the individual’s unique whys and baseline stages of communication

Final Thoughts

You can’t change the past. But you can change where you go from here. As Dr. E reminds listeners throughout this episode: wherever you are in your journey, you are starting. And with the right roadmap, the right team, and the right focus on what’s already working, progress is always possible.